Sainsbury's café, Redhill, Surrey, UK

The newly expanded – and vastly improved – Sainsbury's in Redhill has opened and with it comes a strong competitor for other foodservice brands in town, although I'd imagine that the M&S cafe and Cafe Piazza will probably survive because I wonder how many people already in the Belfry Centre, shopping at lunch time, will want to haul their sorry arses over to Sainsbury's unless, of course, they've got to pick up the weekly shop and don't want to pay M&S prices. 

The new Sainsbury's cafe is an impressive establishment. For a start, it's big. There's a variety of seating (round tables, square tables and four booths with padded seating. 

Large mug of tea for just £1.20 and a ham and cheese panini

I'm not sure if the Sainsbury's café has a name, other than 'the Sainsbury's café, but it occupies a large space and boasts a long servery counter offering cakes and pastries and paninis plus a range of main meals (fresh salmon fillet, £6.00; hand-battered cod & chips, £5.50; Yorkshire ham, egg & chips, £5.00; cottage pie, £4.50, Mac & Cheese, £4.00; beef lasagne, £4.50; and a range of jacket potatoes starting at £2.75 (with butter) and ranging up to £4.50 for prawn with mayo). 

I'm intrigued by that 'Mac & Cheese', presumably they mean macaroni cheese, unless they are borrowing from McDonald's, but this, of course, is something I need to investigate on future visits. What is a 'Mac' other than a computer or a fast food burger sold by McDonald's?

Hot snacks include a range of baguettes (bacon, sausage and meat-free sausage) all for £3.00 or £3.50 for hot beef. Omelettes are £3.75 and soup of the day with a roll is just £2.75. 

Specials exploit the Sainsbury's Taste the Difference brand, offering smoked haddock fish cake with peas and mash, £5.50, or sausage mashed potato, peas and gravy, £6.00. 

The usual hot drinks are on offer and a large mug of tea is a respectable £1.20. The cup is huge. So for £3.95 you can have a large mug of tea plus soup and a roll. Brilliant!

When I arrived there was an unacceptable 40-minute wait for food – probably because the place has just opened and people are sussing it out for themselves – so I ordered a cheese and ham panini (£3.85) and a tea (£1.20) which set me back £5.05. Not bad.

The servery counter at the new Sainsbury's café

I was given one of those vibrating pieces of plastic that shake and flash when the food is ready to collect. When it went off I stood up and walked over to the counter to grab my panini. It was good but unlike in Café Piazza, where crisps are offered as an accompaniment, free of charge, at Sainsbury's you simply get the plain panini, all alone on a large white plate. I'm being unnecessarily picky.

It goes without saying that I'll be returning to this excellent foodservice operation – it might prove to be the best in Redhill (if you're talking pure 'caffs'). There are plenty of other dishes to sample. 

What I also like about the new Sainsbury's caff is its huge windows, which let in a lot of light and the fact that, apart from Sunday, it's open until 7pm six days a week.

Postscript: I've been taking maximum advantage of the Sainsbury's caff all week (week commencing 6 November 2017). Foodwise, I've had jacket potato with tuna and sweetcorn, jacket with baked beans twice and today, 10 November, just like on 6 November (Monday) fishcake, mashed potato and peas washed down with a peppermint tea. It's all good, I can tell you, and far better value than the M&S café in the Belfry Centre. The food is fairly well presented too, especially the jackets, which are served in a square, white, deep plate (alright, a bowl) along with a crisp salad. There are sachets, portion packs, of sauces and dressings and yes, they have Heinz Salad Cream – what could be better?

Problems: Not many, to be honest. In fact there's only one problem and this is the occasional time when there's a long wait for the food. Lunchtime, 17 November 2017, I was told there would be a half hour wait so I settled for a cheese salad baguette. On Wednesday 11th October 2018 I gave up waiting and enjoyed liver and bacon at the Pop Inn (this text added 12th October 2018).

Other problems: Sometimes the cutlery is a little dirty.

Plus points: Read the review, but for me it's food quality, the peppermint tea (which is Sainsbury's own brand) and the size of the place, not forgetting that there are 'normal' tables as well as booths and sofas. Also, it's open weekdays (all days except Sunday) until 7pm. I'm planning on leaving work early one of these days and chilling with a book and a cup of tea – perfect!

Muffin Break, Belfry Centre, Redhill, Surrey, UK

I've paid about four visits to Muffin Break in Redhill since it arrived a year or so ago, probably longer, not exactly sure. Four visits. It's not a regular haunt, put it that way, as there are plenty of other offerings in Redhill, such as the M&S Café, which is always a safe bet, or Café Piazza at the opposite end of the centre on the first floor level. There's also a coffee shop on ground floor level opposite Waterstone's, Ho Sete, which is fine if you don't mind being 'exposed' to passing shoppers.

But let's get back to Muffin Break, so-called because it sells, among other things, muffins. You could say that muffins are the 'signature dish' of the place. Which is fine if you like muffins, but I don't. I hate them with a vengeance. They're too doughy for my liking and no amount of convincing me otherwise will change my mind. I have a similar aversion to scones, but I'd eat one if the only other choice was a muffin. If muffins were the only choice, I'd starve.

Muffin Break, Belfry Centre, Redhill, Surrey

I was in Muffin Break this week. It's a bright place with a fast foody air to it; there's a counter with a menu on the wall behind it and, in essence, the range of food on offer includes various filled ciabatta breads, toasted sandwiches, and a few other hot snacks plus the aforementioned muffins and a few cakes. There's the usual array of hot and cold drinks (tea, coffee, hot chocolate etc) and that's about it.

My companions chose a cheese and pickle sandwich each plus hot chocolate and a mug of tea and I chose a cheese and jalapeno ciabatta sandwich with a medium-sized black coffee (that's an Americano in pretentious speak).

The cheese sandwiches were fine, the tea was good, the hot chocolate fine and the Americano was good too, and so was the jalapeno and cheese ciabatta There's nothing wrong with the cuisine, the service is pretty good (although the man forgot my ciabatta and I had to get up and ask for it again) but other than that it was fine. But it's a little pricey for what it is, I find. Some might beg to differ, but my bill hovered around the £20 mark and while that's probably the norm these days, there's something lacking for me that means I'm not a regular customer at Muffin Break. Perhaps the reason I think it's not good value for money is simply that I can't seem to relax there, it's not cosy, and while one could argue that the M&S café isn't cosy either (it's also a brightly lit cafeteria style operation with the menu displayed behind the counter like a fast food outlet) it has something, possibly the banter with the 'dinner ladies' who run the place. Similarly Café Piazza, although I would argue that the Piazza is cosy because it's darker and the food is more hearty, even the 'meal deals' which include a drink.

Out of 10 I'd give Muffin Break a five and I would rate the M&S café and Café Piazza both around seven.

Robertsons Coffee Shop, Oxted, Surrey, UK

There's nothing worse than the smell of babies, if you get my drift, with your cherry Bakewell – or any other cake for that matter. There's nowt worse than the smell of babies answering the call of nature, full stop, especially when you've ordered a toasted teacake with cinnamon honey and a pot of tea, and there's nothing worse than a running commentary from the baby's mother as she goes through the process of changing her baby's nappy. Actually, there's more. There's nothing worse than the sound a baby makes prior to having its nappy changed – especially if you're eating.

I was in Robertsons Coffee Shop in Oxted, Surrey, on a Saturday afternoon. I'd nipped in for a quick cuppa and something to eat, having enjoyed a cheese and pickle sandwich and a bowl of soup in the same establishment the previous Saturday. I've been here before, a few years ago, and there's now a sign outside exclaiming 'under new management'. Look, it's quite simple, I don't have a problem with women breast-feeding in public, but when it comes to changing a baby's nappy, surely that's why they invented baby changing facilities in the restrooms.

It's a good place, but we happened to experience a nappy changing moment.

My companions and I ordered two teas, a hot chocolate, two toasted teacakes with cinnamon honey and two scones – very dry scones – and, all-in-all, we weren't over the moon. Cue a nasty aroma drifiting in from the other corner of the room where a baby was enjoying answering the call of nature, twice, in the space of about 10 minutes, accompanied by some stunningly realistic sound effects – realistic because they were real, not fake. The sounds certainly affected my attitude towards the food I had ordered. And let's not overlook the running commentary from the mum, something like, "Ooh! Look at that!" as she admired the contents of the baby's nappy, which, like a museum, had opened to the public, in this case the clientele of Robertsons Coffee Shop.

There was an awning outside, it wasn't cold, but the weather was changeable: one minute sunshine, the next rain. Why didn't the manager point the woman in the direction of the fresh air, thereby allowing the aroma, if that's the word, to travel the length of Oxted's quaint high street and disappear into the atmosphere rather than mix with the more pleasing aroma of freshly ground coffee?

Robertsons is one of those quaint places that sells teapots and biscuits and different teas, not forgetting chocolates and cups and saucers and coffee beans. The teashop or 'caff' element of the business is through some doors at the back of the shop. It's an enclosed space, not ideal if you're baby's in the mood to pick up the phone to Mother Nature. Windows were good and it wasn't good for the nostrils, put it that way – or the appetite.

But let's take a look at the bill. There were four of us and the bill was just short of £18. A pot of tea for one was £2.50 (we had two pots) – more expensive than in a Costa. A hot chocolate was £3.25, those dry scones were £2.25 each and the toasted tea cakes were £2.50 each! The smell of a baby being changed? That was complimentary – on the house!

We left Robertsons Coffee Shop almost £18 lighter and let me make one last observation: the cakes on display were not exactly a welcoming selection. Most had been sold, but not replenished. There were small chunks of three different cakes under one of those clear plastic containers. It could be that the cakes were so good they had all sold out, bar what was left, but when I visit a coffee or teashop and there's a paltry display of cakes, it's always a little bit depressing, even more so if there's the unmistakable smell of babies.

Look, where the baby was concerned, these things happen and I'm sure Robertsons Coffee Shop isn't always choc-a-bloc with babies desperate to lighten their loads by answering the call of nature – twice. For that reason, we won't rule it out in future if ever we're in Oxted – and we will be – but I'll check the price of a cuppa in Costa first, although I'm sure there will be babies misbehaving in there too.

Coffee Bay, Purley, Surrey.

There's nothing better than value for money, especially when it comes to a coffee shop and you can't beat £1 for a mug of tea.

Coffee Bay – tea at £1 per mug and a friendly and chatty proprietor.

I'd missed my connection at Purley Oaks so I walked to Purley – rather than wait for the next train – and found myself with 20 minutes to spare.

I nipped in to Coffee Bay, having noticed a sign in the window stating that all major credit cards were accepted (I had no change, bar a £1 coin). But then, to my surprise, I noticed that a mug of tea was just £1.

The woman serving, who was also the proprietor, told me that any more for a cup of tea was daylight robbery. Not her exact words, but she was clearly taking a swipe at the extortionate prices charged by the coffee retailers (even if the Costa in the Purley Tesco's a few yards away was also charging just £1).

In the course of the brief conversation that followed I discovered that she used to work in the city, until the 1987 crash and then decided to get into the caff business. She set up Coffee Bay in 1992 and hasn't looked back.

It's a great place with a few seats inside and a couple outside for good measure.

There's free WiFi, wraps from £3.80, panini breads from £3.80 and homemade soup for £3.

In short, a worthy establishment and very convenient as it's located right next door to Purley railway station. Nothing could be finer than sitting in Coffee Bay sipping tea while waiting for a train.

I will return.

Café Piazza, Redhill, Surrey, UK

Shopping mall cafés leave a lot to be desired, especially when they have chairs 'outside' as if al fresco is ever an option.

Café Piazza, The Belfry Centre, Redhill, Surrey.

The Café Piazza is located on the first floor level of the Belfry Centre, a smallish shopping mall in Redhill, which is kind of half way between London and Brighton on the southern outskirts of Surrey.

Redhill is best described as 'a funny old place' full of a sizeable contingent of the sort of people you might see in the movie The Hills Have Eyes. It is, if you like, the poor relation of toffee-nosed Reigate, which is just up the road.

Not that the Café Piazza reflects anything; it is, after all, just a shopping mall caff that could be viewed as a little pricey until you think hard about it and realise that it's alright in terms of value for money. I spent £8.15 on cottage pie and beans plus a cookie and a pot of tea (which came with extra hot water).

Cottage pie, beans, a cookie and a pot of tea with hot water.

The big question: is it value for money? The answer is 'just'. Why? Because there were free newspapers, that extra hot water meant more than one cup of tea and the food quality ain't bad either. I've been here before and I've enjoyed it, they take plastic and overall, that's all fine with me.

The cottage pie was piping hot and by that I mean it was too hot, thanks to being microwaved and it did have a slushy texture to it, but it was filling and just what the doctor ordered so I wasn't complaining.

The service was straightforward and friendly too – a fast food/cafeteria set up with display counters, a hot servery area and a till point at the end of the process. A good selection of food and pastries too so all in all, top marks to the place.

Inside Café Piazza – note servery in foreground.

8th March 2019: Readers will be sorry to hear that Café Piazza has recently closed its doors and nothing (at the time of writing) has replaced it. 

Hunger's End, 26 High Street, Merstham, Surrey

From the top: man outside the caff shaving; my sausage sandwich; my brother Jon's Full English breakfast; Hunger's End, Merstham High Street. You can see my brother Jon (far right) and Andy Smith sitting down and, centre stage, the shaving man – note his radio on the table.

Now this really is a good caff and it doesn't have much in the way of competition either. Well, alright, there's the Quality Café down by the railway station but, to be quite honest, I wasn't happy with that word 'quality' as the caff looked a bit run-down to me.

Hunger's End has a bit of style. For a start, it's more than just pine wood tables and chairs; it has a couple of sofas, a few copies of The Sun scattered about and the staff are friendly too. You order your food at the counter and pay for it (I chose a sausage sandwich with a roll, not bread) and so did my pal Andy. My brother Jon went for one of the breakfasts, not the biggest one, but judging by the size of it (massive springs to mind) I daren't think what the largest looks like.

For a sausage bap and a mug of tea you're talking £3.55, the breakfast with a mug of tea was £4 on the nose. Not bad for a small caff only a stone's throw from the M25. The food is delivered to your table along with brown and tomato sauce, salt and pepper. The food was very, very tasty and we also had some strange bloke outside with us providing some light entertainment: he'd brought along a small radio, a mirror and an electric razor and spent the entire time we were there shaving. It takes all sorts.

Return visits will definitely be made as Hunger's End was the epitome of a great British caff, although the sausage sandwich might be a little over-the-top if consumed more than once or twice a year.

You can read more about Hunger's End on http://novisiblelycra.blogspot.com