Mrs Burton's Tearooms, Battle, East Sussex – is this the best ever Victoria sponge cake?

Well, here's a challenge to tearooms and cafés around the world: who can make the best Victoria sponge cake?

This is the best Victoria sponge cake in the world – or is it? You decide!

On a recent visit to the East Sussex coast, I dropped in on Mrs Burton's Tearooms in Battle for a pot of tea and some cake. While I didn't order any cake myself, I had a fair chunk of my daughter's Victoria sponge cake and can honestly say that it was the best one I've ever tasted.

Now that's what I call tea for one...

First, it was a fair size – hence my getting involved in the eating process – but once I'd sampled a bit I wanted more and more. I almost ordered one for myself, but managed to resist.

Why was it so amazing? Size for a start. It was a huge slab of sponge cake. But I think the winning ingredient was the icing in the centre. Whatever it was, this, in my opinion, was the best Victoria sponge cake I'd ever tasted so if you're in the Battle area, pop in to this excellent, traditional tearoom which, in addition to offering the best Victoria sponge cake in the country (if not the world) also offers the usual quaint stuff you might expect from a top notch tearoom.

Mrs Burton's Tearooms in Battle, East Sussex

Pleasant, fast and efficient service and right next door to the abbey where, apparently, King Harold fell when William the Conqueror invaded the country.

U Cerného Beránka Café, Mostecká, Malá Strana - Praha 1

At last I find a cosy café! Some of those accents above aren't right, I know, but U Cerného Beránka Café in Prague is just a few yards from the Charles Bridge on the Hradcany side of the city (where Prague Castle can be found). The castle, incidentally, is the official residence and office of the president of the Czech Republic.

A haven of cosy.

But that's enough tourism, let's get back to the caff. Indeed, the word 'caff' does this place no justice at all as it's a haven of cosy, for cosy people. I'd walked all the way from the other side of town as the light was beginning to fade, crossing the main square and then the famous Charles Bridge and, after some mooching about, decided to investigate.

Inside, there were sofas and normal wooden tables and chairs, the lighting was dark, almost festive as, indeed, is the whole of Prague, and there were half a dozen people relaxing. The serving counter was towards the back where I found a small display of cakes: chocolate cake, carrot cake, cheesecake and and a rather excellent-looking honey cake. The service was friendly and efficient.

I could have ordered a cup of English breakfast tea but was tempted instead by the fresh ginger tea and ordered that plus a slice of the honey cake.

The tea was wonderful, consisting of sliced chunks of fresh ginger and hot water (what else?). The ginger sat at the bottom of the cup and I gave it enough time to infuse with the water, making a perfect and very warming/comforting drink – something I must remember for when I get home. The combination of the ginger tea and the honey cake was perfect and I sat there looking out on the world. If only I'd had a book to read or a newspaper.

View from across the street. The Charles Bridge is to the right of the café.

The bill was a respectable 175 Czech Crowns, which is nothing at all, let's see, something like £3.50, no more.

Fresh ginger tea with a slice of honey cake – absolutely fantastic.

Feeling relaxed and chilled I headed back over the Charles Bridge and followed the cobbled streets to the square and beyond. The light was fading fast as I passed a busker playing Strauss on a collection of wine glasses filled with water. You wouldn't get such a cultured busker in chavvy England.

Safa Kahvesi, Gulhane, Istanbul, Turkey

There are plenty of caffs in Istanbul, but I was hoping to find one that was cosy and welcoming. It proved to be quite difficult.

Safa Kahvesi – a bit boring and not that friendly. It certainly wasn't cosy!

Sitting on a tram en route to a place called Kabatas (pronounced Kabatash) I was intrigued by an area of Istanbul (well, a tram stop to be more precise) call Gulhane. I say I was intrigued, it was only that there appeared to be some cosy-looking venues worthy of investigation so, when I had some free time, I walked to Gulhane from my hotel and checked out a couple of places.

The first place I stumbled across – the place I'd seen from the tram – didn't really fit the bill (it was licensed and it was a restaurant). The second was Safa Kahvesi, which, from the outside, looked cosy. It could have been cosy too, but there was something not quite right: it wasn't friendly. It wasn't unfriendly either, but there was something miserable about it that lingered and that meant that I wasn't going to stay too long.

Turkish tea – no milk, horrible.

Turkish tea. Something needs to be said. For a start is it really Turkish tea or is it just that the Turks drink their tea in a kind of egg timer glass without milk, but served with a couple of sugar cubes? In other words, is the tea inside the cup Lipton's or PG Tips? It would have been pointless asking anybody this question.

Anyway, I chose Safa Kahvesi, bowled in, took a pew and ordered some tea. Sure enough it arrived in one of those egg timer glasses and it was black tea, which, without milk, is terribly bitter and dries out the mouth. I can't say I was happy. There was little in the way of food available and when I asked for some they said I couldn't have any. Perhaps it was the wrong time of day, I don't know.

There were other customers but none of them appeared to be enjoying themselves or relaxing into their environment: this was a case of coming in, ordering, drinking and going.

There was a pleasant-looking display of Turkish sweets and delicacies and the woman behind the counter said it was alright when I asked if I could take a photograph, but there ended the experience.

Safa Kahvesi's sweets selection – I didn't buy any.

On offer was various coffees, espresso, cappuccino and tea, served as described above. The tea, it must be said, took a while to cool sufficiently before I could drink it (another bummer when you're in a hurry to escape). I suppose I could have just left it, but that would have been a waste of money.

Snacks were available, but not to me for some reason. They included kurabiye tabagi (translated to 'cookie plate') in small and large sizes.

Verdict? Not impressed. Unfriendly staff, I couldn't order food, the Turkish tea was bitter, there was no milk (and I knew that if I asked for milk they would have problems understanding me). It was time to leave, which I did, promptly.

Puro Gusto, Milano, Italy

Come out of the Melia Milano Hotel – which is fantastic – turn left, then left again, and on your left you'll find Puro Gusto, a light and airy and colourful place offering everything you might expect from a decent bakery and caff operation.

Inside Puro Gusto. The great thing about this shot is that you can see me
taking this photograph in that television screen top left of the shot.

I was there for a quick cappuccino and a mini Danish pastry and the whole lot, including the same order for my pal Ken came to just EUR3.90. Not bad. As we were there for a brief pitstop (I had enjoyed a rather healthy breakfast back at the hotel) the cappuccinos were served in paper cups, Normally I have tea, but I couldn't see it mentioned anywhere on the menu board behind the counter so I opted for a coffee – rare for me, being a creature of habit.

Look at those pastries! Fantastic aren't they?

Had I known that this place existed yards from the hotel I would have saved myself the EUR35 charged for breakfast and eaten here instead – if there's a next time, that's what I'll do, although I might take a wander around the locality as there were quite a few little caffs dotted here and there.

The Puro Gusto logo – hopefully, I'll be back!

The servery counter – but I couldn't see tea advertised anywhere.

McDermott's Fish & Chip Restaurant, Forestdale, Croydon, UK

I can't remember the last time I saw people queue for fish & chips. I think it was in Aldeburgh, Suffolk many years ago when I myself was in the queue, waiting for cod and chips. There's nothing better than fish and chips, especially if there's plenty of salt and vinegar at hand. And while it could be argued that fish and chips has been replaced by chicken tikka masala as the traditional British dish, I'll always enjoy it, albeit not very often.

It might look pretty standard, but that's a decent fish & chips, believe me.

Fish, chips and mushy peas. Why not? Quite nutritional as it goes and, believe it not, it tastes even better when wrapped in newspaper, although that practice has been obselete for a long time.

In Europe they have mayo with their chips instead of ketchup and that's never really caught on here; there was a time when fish and chips were served in newspaper print patterned paper cones. These are probablystill is used in some places – but I prefer mine being wrapped up after the salt and vinegar smothering.

One thing I really like is the fish and chip restaurant as it brings back memories of childhood holidays on the south coast where you'll always find a decent fish and chip restaurant – and, in the old days, crinkle-cut chips (whatever happened to them?). Remember fish knives? You rarely see them today, but if ever you do see them, it's likely to be in a fish and chip restaurant, a 'plaice' where you can enjoy fish and chips sitting down.

A local Croydon brew – fantastic!

Having said that, I didn't see any fish knives in McDermott's fish and chip restaurant, located in what looked like a seventies-built shopping precinct on the outskirts of the Forestdale housing estate near Addington in Surrey. I'd walked over to the precinct while killing time waiting to escort my wife home along the mean streets of this part of Croydon after dark and was amazed – and elated – to find people queuing for their fish and chips. It was a Friday night and the queue was at least 30-strong, if not more.

McDermott's has a good reputation for quality fish and chips and I thought they were based in central Croydon, on Crown Hill, but here they were plying a very good trade. Not only was the takeaway crammed with people queuing for their Friday night meal, the adjoining restaurant next door was heaving.

Later I decided that I had to be a part of it so we opted not for a takeaway – which would have meant standing at a windswept bus stop in the rain with greasy fingers – but a full-blown meal. But that didn't mean we avoided queuing. We walked in to a bar area (yes, the bar area) and had to wait to be seated and were eventually escorted to a table by the window looking out on the aforementioned small precinct.

McDermott's is licensed and it sells locally brewed Cronx beer. Needless to say one was ordered along with cod and chips (not cheap at £12.50) but the portion size was good and the quality of the fish and chips second to none. My wife ordered, foolishly in my opinion, a vegetarian meal. Service was second to none and the hubbub of the crowded restaurant – full with people from all walks of life and certainly not in any way 'poncy' – made the experience worthwhile. I loved it and felt glad that I'd taken a wander and found it.

A brief mention of the desserts menu. With the exception of 'various ice creams' (all £3.10) there were three proper desserts in the shape of sticky toffee pudding, chocolate fudge cake and apple pie served hot or cold and with a choice of cream, custard or vanilla ice cream. We opted for apple pie and custard but they'd sold out and I was a little disappointed with the other two desserts on offer and wished there had been greater choice available. Running out of apple pie is a cardinal sin in my book.

Queuing for takeaway fish & chips – a rare sight!

The total bill for two was just over £26, but well worth it and I'll definitely return. It was great to see the place crowded out and with people queuing for takeaways next door. It was one of those moments when I felt that my faith in human nature had been restored – and I'll forgive them the lack of apple pie (but only just).

And let's not forget that a cup of tea costs only £1 – a rarity these days. Take note coffee retailers, especially Café Nero where a pot of tea will set you back £2 as opposed to Costa's £1.75. Café Nero might be a little cosier than Costa, but the tea is 25p more expensive and, as you'll see shortly when I post about a Nero unit in Croydon, milk is rather sloppily served in a paper cup (Costa tea is cheaper and the milk is served in a small, white, jug.

Café Montmartre, Paris, France

If you find yourself wandering around Paris, take a hike – and I mean a hike – to the Basilica of Sacre-Coeur in the Montmartre area of the city and, after recovering from the steep uphill climb (unless, of course, you chicken out and take the funicular railway) and having admired the view of Paris, take a stroll around and you'll find there are many different restaurants and cafés in which to indulge yourself.

Café Montmartre, Paris, France - very pleasant.

My two colleagues and I were not interested in a full-blown meal. All we wanted was a ham roll and a cup of tea or coffee, having enjoyed an amazing meal the night before. Lo and behold we stumbled across the Café Montmartre, a quaint little place offering an array of different food and beverage items. It was, in essence, a 'caff' but a caff with a touch of French class.

The sandwich selection was good: Le Norvins: poulet, crudités (chicken, tomato and salad) along with Le Parisien: Jambon, emmental (ham, cheese, tomato and salad) were both EUR6.50; also on offer at just EUR5.50 were Le Jurassien: Jambon de Paris, Emmental (ham and cheese) and Le Paysan: Jambon cru, beurre (country ham and butter). For EUR6.00 was Le Montmartre: Fromage, crudités (cheese, tomato and salad) and also Le Méditerranéen: Thon, crudités (tuna, tomato and salad). The most expensive sandwich was the Le Nordique: Saumon fumé, aneth (or smoked salmon and dill) at EUR7.20.

We ordered the Le Paysan and the Le Lyonnais (EUR5.00), the latter being French salami in a buttered roll plus a tea (always served as hot water in a cup with a sachet containing a tea bag); a can of Coke and a cappuccino. Tea was EUR4.20 and cappuccino EUR4.00. The can of Coke was EUR3.20. We also ordered a can of fruit juice (EUR3.50) and an eclair (EUR3.50). The total bill was EUR29.40.

Just a word on the way Europeans serve tea: I can't stand being given a sachet containing a teabag and a cup of hot water. I want a teapot with leaf tea, a small jug of milk and hell! I want a tea cosy too and, perhaps, some extra water to make the teabag go further. The way the Europeans treat tea drinkers – as second class citizens to coffee lovers – is simply not cricket. However, I'll forgive the Café Montmartre because it was such a nice place.

The experience overall was good as was the conversation with my pals Paul and Ken. The general vibe of the café, which was licensed, was good and it was all very conducive to spending the afternoon there, possibly with more tea, but also, perhaps, a glass or two of wine, the broadsheets and a decent paperback, like Mike Carter's Uneasy Rider, which I'm reading at the time of writing this report.

Inside the Café Montmartre, Paris – perfect!

Various Viennoiseries and Patisseries were on offer ranging in price from EUR1.50 for a croissant up to EUR5.70 for a variety if pastries including a fig tart and an apple tart.

I could have stayed longer and eaten more, but I had to walk down to the Moulin Rouge to pick up a bus back towards the Arc de Triomphe and, ultimately, a Eurostar back to the UK.

I've reported from Paris a couple of times before, but this visit was by far the best in terms of finding decent caffs and boulangeries in which to enjoy a brew and some friendly chit chat. I'll be returning again soon – possibly later this week – and reporting back with some more eateries to tempt your tastebuds, so watch this space.

Prior to arriving at the Café Montmartre, I had walked extensively around Paris from my hotel to the Arc de Triomphe and then to the Eifel Tower and then back to the Champs Elysees before walking over to Montmartre. When I reached the café I really enjoyed the ham roll, even if it did have a rather pretentious French name, which made is sound even tastier than it actually was. In all honesty a glass or two of red wine and a decent book would have bolstered the experience, but time was against us and that Eurostar to the UK beckoned.

The Arc de Triomphe – I'd rather walk around it.

Coffee Bay, Purley, Surrey.

There's nothing better than value for money, especially when it comes to a coffee shop and you can't beat £1 for a mug of tea.

Coffee Bay – tea at £1 per mug and a friendly and chatty proprietor.

I'd missed my connection at Purley Oaks so I walked to Purley – rather than wait for the next train – and found myself with 20 minutes to spare.

I nipped in to Coffee Bay, having noticed a sign in the window stating that all major credit cards were accepted (I had no change, bar a £1 coin). But then, to my surprise, I noticed that a mug of tea was just £1.

The woman serving, who was also the proprietor, told me that any more for a cup of tea was daylight robbery. Not her exact words, but she was clearly taking a swipe at the extortionate prices charged by the coffee retailers (even if the Costa in the Purley Tesco's a few yards away was also charging just £1).

In the course of the brief conversation that followed I discovered that she used to work in the city, until the 1987 crash and then decided to get into the caff business. She set up Coffee Bay in 1992 and hasn't looked back.

It's a great place with a few seats inside and a couple outside for good measure.

There's free WiFi, wraps from £3.80, panini breads from £3.80 and homemade soup for £3.

In short, a worthy establishment and very convenient as it's located right next door to Purley railway station. Nothing could be finer than sitting in Coffee Bay sipping tea while waiting for a train.

I will return.