Danny's, Redhill, Surrey, UK – what a caff!

I've been here before, many times, but this is the first time I've put pen to paper. There are a number of caff options in Redhill - Cafe Piazza, the M&S cafe, Mamma Mia, a Subway, which doesn't really count, and a place called Cafe de France, which looks decidedly downmarket and is often full of slightly degenerate-looking people, sitting outside, smoking, even on the coldest of days. 

Cottage pie, vegetables and tea. Top notch.

Today is not cold, but I'm a little fed up with pounding the streets on a 5km yomp around town - or rather the outskirts of town. 

So I resolved to have a well-deserved and much needed hot meal. I'm fed up to the back teeth with egg sandwiches. First, they stink like a fart and second, there's nothing to them; no sooner are they opened, they are gone, and then the hunger sets in and I become prone to eating shit like cookies and cakes. 

I thought I'd give Danny's a go – a good go! This is a busy place with a decent takeaway service and a few tables. There's wooden (or laminate) floors, white and pink walls and, it has to be said, some decent and traditional caff cuisine. Good no-nonsense service too. 

All the old favourites are here: chicken stew, cottage pie, pie of the day, pasta dishes, you name it, and the portion sizes are huge – just what the doctor didn't order, but who cares? The only mildly unhealthy element of my meal was the custard accompanying the apple pie. Again, do I care? No I fucking don't!!!

So I ordered the cottage pie, which was amazing. A whole plate of food arrived: cottage pie, green beans, carrots, gravy – just like school dinners – and then I ordered apple pie with custard, oh, and two mugs of PGTips. Wonderful! In all honesty I could have sat there all afternoon reading Paul Auster's New York Trilogy, but I've got work to do. 

The food quality was good – or good enough for my needs. Alright, the veg was over-cooked, but I'm not going to complain. Why would I?

Clientele wise it's interesting as there's a clear divide between the eat-in and takeaway customers: the former being old people – the Red Hillbillys as they're affectionately known – and the latter being office workers. 

I've got to go, but this place certainly rocks and it gets my vote. I'll be back as this beats most of the similarly-priced establishments into a cocked hat. My bill for cottage pie, apple pie and custard and two mugs of PG was £8.

It's really important to eat a good, hot meal at lunch time. For the past few months, possibly years, I've been relying upon sandwiches. Not a good idea. Now that I've got some fuel on board, I feel almost superhuman. Can't wait for dinner either!